Thursday, April 8, 2010

Read the fine print - COLLEGE BASKETBALL FAN RULES- GENERAL and TOURNY TIME

Now in march madness there's almost no rules for who you can/must cheer for; provided one or more of these conditions are met:

GENERAL/ EVERYDAY RULES FOR FANDOM


***1) an individual may qualify himself for general fandom of up to 5 teams (7 if a CURRENT resident of CA or TX) indicating one or more of the following:


*1-a) the fan personally knows one of the players (he would know the fan's name and face- he need not have the fan's number in his phone, but social-network friends DO NOT count), or the fan may have played against (and guarded) the player in high school, rec league, or organized tournament (the fan must have a neutral or better opinion of said player- thus the player should not be a complete tool, that the fan secretly despises, but insists the two were "bff's" [best friends forever] just to improve his social status).

*1-b) the fan himself, or a 1st degree relative (spouse, child, or parent) has attended the school.
*1-c) the school is located in the state in which the fan currently lives.
*1-d) the school is in a state where the fan has previously lived, on condition that:
*while residing in the state he gave that school at least moderate fan attention,
*he MUST have known before the tournament started that the team existed,
*he MUST also know the team name/mascot (Coyotes, Commanders, Cobras)- knowing the specific name of the mascot ("Cobe the Cobra") is not necessary.
*1-e) rarely, one may be granted "fandom" in connection to a school in which none of the prior conditions are met. The person must have "bandwagoned" as a youth, or typically cannot be considered. Varying age groups of "bandwagon onset" require various degrees of authentication. Generally, the younger the fan was at "incident" the more excusable his behavior. Consider:
*if 0-12 yrs old: no explanation necessary. Based on the popular assumption that "boys will be boys."
*if 12-15 yrs old: a semi-valid reason must be given: a common acceptable reason for "bandwagoning" might be the history of a particular program. Excuses such as: "Michael Jordan played there" should always be accepted, and license granted. The college teams of the fan's top-3 favorite pro players should be considered, etc. Licenses should be granted by "flip-of-a-coin" if 2 or more of the fan's childhood bestfriends were fans of the team in question, provided that the individual shows behavior characteristic of: childhood insecurities, excessive yearning for belonging, and showing a lifetime vulnerability to "spinelessness" and peer-pressure.
*if 16+ yrs: shall not be considered, except in cases of severe mental handicap (for which licenses can ONLY be assigned for Duke and the U of Utah or the semi-pro/WNBA? Oklahoma City Thunder- commonly referred to as "the Blunder," or "Zombie Sonics," or "they who shall not be named"). Other exceptions may only be considered on condition that requirement [4-c] are met (discussed later).
-NOTE: individuals requesting license to fandom by requirement [1-e] must not root for the applied team's rival. Thus, an application may NOT contain a request for UNC and Duke fandom. Limit 2 “wildcard favorite” teams per person.


GENERAL RULES COME TOURNAMENT TIME


***2) An individual may cheer for a team which is intimately connected to his favorite team(s) (see requirement 1)- the sole purpose of addendum 2 is to bring respect to his category-1 teams making them appear more impressive because of their association to these other teams. these teams may:


*2-a) be in cat-1 teams' conference or

*2-b) the cat-1 team may have played this team earlier in the year in out-of-conference play
-NOTE: the concept of cheering for a bitter rival for this stated purpose is very controversial. The behavior is viewed differently by different people; complex ethnic, economic and social factors are responsible for the variance. At this time the decision to make use of addendum 2 in regard to "hated rivals" is left up to the discretion of the fan. Should the fan choose to, for strategic purposes alone, cheer for a rival team, he should be completely forthright with his fellow fans, openly stating his motives and intentions. Let the voice of the people govern this behavior.


***3) A fan may make tournament bracket predictions as is customary, he may designate any combination of winners based on any strategy he chooses, every man left to his own basketball knowledge, march-madness prophecy, and free will and choice. Thus, he may dutifully cheer for ANY team that he has selected to win in any given game. BEWARE!!: the fan may find himself cheering for the likes of Duke on the occasion that, as a number one seed, the team is playing TiciTici Community College of the Bahamas.



SPECIFIC RULES FOR SPECIFIC SITUATIONS


***4) If an individual's bracket is officially “busted” (elimination of: predicted champion+final 2 teams+ half of the final 4), he must choose 1 of the remaining teams as his preferred champion. This process is carried out in one of two general ways depending on the specific circumstances.


*4-a) If money is involved, such as in the form of a bet, ANY strategy may be employed to choose this team, although using mechanism [4-b] is preferred, considered both proper and valiant.

*4-b) If only “bragging rights” are at stake (no money involved), the chosen team SHOULD and MUST fit condition 1 if such a team remains, next condition 2 teams may be considered (this group is now temporarily expanded to include the teams responsible for the elimination of condition 1 teams- again, to make those teams perhaps seem better than they truly were).
-NOTE: promising “underdogs” are given the comparable weight of a condition 2 team and may be chosen if a condition 1 team is not available. Only if none of these requirements can be met may a fan choose any other team, and may do so without explanation. The fan must not violate this binding agreement until the team has proven itself unfaithful to its temporary fan and is eliminated from the tournament, at which point the “temporary favorite team” selection process is repeated using the prior requirements. There is one exception that may be considered at any time, even during rounds or games in progress, this is condition [4-c]:
*4-c) if an unheralded “cinderella team” emerges- storming into the tournament picture, the fan's world, doing so with elegance, beauty and grace- intending not just to toy with the fan's emotions, playing for more than to satisfy the fan in one brief moment of unbridled passion, an exception may be granted. To satisfy this requirement, the team must successfully (and only figuratively/poetically) take the fan by the hand, whisper peace to his soul, and steal his heart. If this rare incident was to occur as described in full, the fan and team would qualify for "wildcard favorite team" license [1-e], never to be divided.

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